Staying Positive While Dealing With Pain
You may, or may not, have noticed that I haven’t posted to this blog in quite a while. The reason for this is that I have been suffering from a severe case of stinkin’ thinkin’. What the hell is stinkin’ thinkin’ you may ask?
Well it is my definition of what happens when everything gets the better of you and negative thinking takes over. If you can give me a few minutes I will explain why I think it happened and what I had to do to overcome it. I sincerely hope that this article strikes a chord with anyone experiencing this sort of thing and helps to bring them up out of the dumps.
When I look back there had been a quite a number of things contributing to my case of stinkin’ thinkin’, but the catalyst to all of this came when the transmission in my wife’s Camry decided to take an early retirement. Being an ex-motor mechanic and having a spare parts car with a good transmission at our disposal (and not having enough money to pay someone to change it!) meant that it was up to me to get the anti-christ back on the road again.
Things went well in the early stages, getting the stuffed transmission out was not all that difficult but getting the other one in was a completely different matter. Previously (before my back injury) I had an apprentice, a hoist and a very handy transmission jack that made the job of replacing transmissions a walk in the park. This time I had myself, a dodgy old trolley jack and whatever help I could muster from our household when needed.
After three attempts at getting the transmission into position I gave up. Very quickly I started to remember why I couldn’t do mechanical work any more. The muscles across my shoulders were screaming at me, just above my tailbone the painful, burning sensation was getting too much to handle and the ‘waves’ of what I think is nerve pain shooting down my right leg were uncomfortable to say the least.
To top things off I also had the pain of heel spurs to contend with (my heels had settled down quite well up until this point). I went to bed that night feeling pretty pissed off with the world. Between the pain and the frustration of knowing that I still had to get the car back together I didn’t sleep well that night.
Around 10am the next day I went down to the garage with high hopes of things going well. During the second attempt the transmission slipped off the trolley jack and that was it, I lost it. I said a few choice words, picked up the closest tool to me (which happened to be a 2 foot long pry bar – thankfully no-one was walking past the garage!) and threw it out the garage door as hard as I could.
I don’t know what I was trying to achieve by throwing the pry bar, it just felt like the right thing to do at the time.
So there I was sitting on the garage floor with my head in my hands feeling totally and completely fed-up with the situation and the transmission lying on the ground under the car. The feeling that came over me was frustration, anger, hopelessness, pain, all rolled into one.
I knew that the constant pain I was in was clouding my thoughts and making every little issue a lot bigger than it really was, but there was just no escape from it. I felt like I had hit rock-bottom, the end of my tether.
If only there was a switch that you could turn to ‘off’ when you need to get something done without pain getting in the way! If only….
After a few days I did return to the garage and did get the car finished off, but I didn’t even feel a sense of relief or happiness about doing that. Day after day I did next to nothing, I couldn’t get interested in anything and I felt as though I was just existing, not living.
The game was too hard and I didn’t want to play anymore!
Thankfully it didn’t take too long for me to realise that I couldn’t keep going like this, either that or I got sick of Belinda harping at me to do something, I can’t really remember now!
While I was talking with Belinda about what was going on in my head I came to realise that there were a lot of underlying issues that up until that time I had been doing a pretty good job of keeping them suppressed. In a nutshell it all boiled down to the fact that we are more-or-less stuck in a situation that I would rather not be in.
I haven’t been able to work for the past five years due to my back problems and naturally this brings with it all sorts of emotional and financial issues. My thinking was that if we still had a decent income the Camry would have been replaced with something newer a long time ago or at the very least if we still had it we could have paid someone to replace the transmission.
Once I started heading down that road I started thinking about all of the things that we haven’t been able to do because of the situation we are in and it just snowballed from there. I started worrying about our lack of superannuation funds, where we would find the money to finish our house renovations, what the kids and Belinda have missed out on over the last few years, and it went on and on. Depression soon followed!
HOW TO STOP THE SPIRAL OF NEGATIVE THINKING.
Once again I am indebted to Belinda for her unwavering support and for talking sense into me when I can’t tell my head from my feet. During one of our talks I finally found what I was doing wrong.
Dwelling on and worrying about things that, for the time-being at least, are out of your control is not healthy. Thinking positively and doing the best you can in a challenging situation is VERY, VERY HEALTHY! Not to mention it can make you a lot happier and easier to live with!
Ok, so that statement is usually easier said than done, particularly when you are not in a good place to begin with, but with a bit of work you can actually start to believe it and live by it.
In my opinion the only way to in-grain this positive thinking is to sit down and list every positive aspect of your life and go over that list every day, several times a day until your subconscious takes over and you can’t but help thinking and acting in a positive, meaningful way.
You have probably heard of doing this before and perhaps you think that it’s a load of goobly-gook, but try and have a bit of blind faith and give it a go and I’m sure you will be surprised with the results, I certainly was.
When you decide to sit down and make your list don’t over analyze everything, just write down anything and everything that comes to your mind that is positive or puts even the smallest smile on your face. The smallest, seemingly insignificant things can really pick you up when you read over your list later on so don’t be selective just get it all down.
Here is a quick example of some of things that I wrote down -
- We have (so far!) managed to hold onto our house
- If I was still working I would not have seen so much of our kids lives as they are growing up and the relationship with them wouldn’t be as strong as it is - BIG, NO, HUGE POSITIVE!
- In this time I’ve had at home I have taught myself to put together and maintain websites (possible future career?)
- We were only three minutes behind the fastest Hobie sailor at the last race meeting. (The kids and I sail an old Hobie cat at our local sailing club. Not exactly a back-friendly activity but it is one thing I absolutely refuse to give up, plus the kids have an absolute ball. Because of the time we have to practice we are getting better all the time! This one seemed pretty insignificant at the time but still brings a big smile to my face.)
- My relationship with Belinda is stronger than ever, if we still had the business I doubt we would still be together (she wanted a cardboard cut-out of me so she could remember what I looked like!)
- I’m not stuck in peak-hour traffic for an hour in the morning and an hour of an afternoon (one of my pet hates)
- My pain could always be worse. There are so many people in the world that are worse off than me. I’m still relatively able-bodied, am able to look after myself, I can enjoy life if I decide to make the most of everything.
That is just a fraction of what I ended up writing down, once you get going I think you will be surprised at what comes to your mind. Once you are satisfied with your list keep it somewhere handy so that you can read it several times a day. Fold it up and carry it around in your pocket if you have to, and don’t just skim over while you are reading it, make a conscious effort to think about each and every item on your list.
It won’t happen overnight but I can almost guarantee that in a few days you will start thinking about things from a completely different viewpoint and the game of life won’t seem that hard after all.
Sure, you can’t just forget about some of the less-than-positive aspects of your life, but rather than worrying about them (which doesn’t help the situation anyway!) you can choose to focus on the positive and make things a lot easier on yourself.
One more thing, a saying that I find very powerful for getting rid of stinkin’ thinkin’ is
WHERE THERE IS LIFE THERE IS HOPE.
While things might seem too hard at the moment always remember that you are alive, tomorrow is a new day, and so is the next, and you never know what these future days will bring. Give it your best shot!
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